Say you're sorry! Want more of connecting apologies?

Say you're sorry! Excuse-toi!

Do you use these words? What results have you noticed?

Or do you remember being demanded that? How did you feel? Did you really express sincere apologies?

I am sharing this to invite you to explore another way of expressing more connecting apologies:

A way I find more sincere and reconciling for both parties.

A way that doesn't imply anyone to be right or wrong, victim or guilty, shame etc.

A way that embraces the humanity in the two of us and allow learning to happen.

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If I did or say something that has impacted someone who wants apologies from me, what they really want, I believe, is an acknowledgment of what they are experiencing. That I fully get the intensity of their feelings and emotions, of the impact of them, the hurt, the pain, the surprise, the disappointment…

They want to be seen and understood, to start with.

And it doesn't require me to agree with what they are saying; at that point, the focus is entirely on them, what truly matters to them: what is it that they care about so badly in this moment?

Friendship? Consideration? To matter? Transparency? Trust?

By keeping the focus on what is so important to them, they will eventually start to relax, enjoy the space they've been given to feel heard, and maybe to agree to hear about my own experience of this situation.

Then this is my turn to express how grateful I am that they have shared this, that I also value friendship, trust and consideration… that I feel deeply sad that my actions/words had this effect on them, because I care about our relationship, about each of us…

And I wonder what we could come up with together to address this or learn for next time?

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I'd like to know if it inspires you?

Would you like to hear more about it, ask clarifying questions?

Comment here or contact me, thank you!